She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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