Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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