ya dads aren't the best wingmen
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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