i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
