Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
