: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize