Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
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