Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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