The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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