I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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