Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
