Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
