had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
