she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
