Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
