Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
