he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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