First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
