"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Randomize
