I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
