he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
