i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Damn victory sex feels great
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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