I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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