Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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