Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
high people should be assigned attendants
She bit a glass in half.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
