saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
he high fived his dick after we had sex
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize