after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
