I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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