Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
