I am puke
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
