I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
