he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
This is classic penis vs brain.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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