she kept yelling 'call me bella'
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
