mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
