so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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