Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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