so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize