If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
