i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Randomize
