Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
