you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize