I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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