How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize