Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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