guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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