The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
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