Sacagawea was the original milf.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
