so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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