pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Randomize
