Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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