Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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