just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
