I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
