woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Randomize
