I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
cat food counts as protein by the way
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
