thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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