yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
