is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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