Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Randomize
