I smell stomach acid.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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