I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
