so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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