he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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