he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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