I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
