you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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