If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
