Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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