The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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